Sick Feeling

Well its been almost 2 years since we started trying get pregnant and we've spent most of our time *waiting*. Waiting to do this test or that test, waiting for the results then waiting on insurance, waiting for an appointment with a different doctor and then, now more waiting for insurance. I've always said I'm a very impatient person so hopefully this trial will teach me patience and being content with God's will among many other things.

Since we've spent most of our time waiting and especially lately I haven't had to deal with it directly. As in we haven't had appointments to go to and tests to do, etc. That was always the hardest part was going to the appointment/test and hearing the bad/disappointing news. As we've been idling along here for the past 4-5 months that is something I haven't had to deal with. So I kind of felt protected.

Yesterday (Friday) I called Dr. G's (fertility specialist) office to set up another consult to get some more information about the surgery and also answer some questions we have. Aaron and I decided on Thursday that we would call to set up this appointment but I didn't think much of it. As I started dialing the number my stomach started to churn. I felt sick inside like I could get rid of all the breakfast I had just eaten. Talking in my head I was saying, "Oh no I can't push this to the back of my mind any longer, I have to face this, I have to face the fact that the answer might just be, "I'm sorry you can't have any children."

I know that the doctors don't have the final answer and that the Lord knows all these things but calling and making that appointment made me feel like it was just one step closer to the disappointing result-NO children.


We should have some answers regarding the insurance at the end of next week and I'm praying that the Lord will give us wisdom and direction with what to do next.

Selective Reduction...I Think NOT!!

Aaron and I have always felt pretty firm in our decision to not do IVF if that was something recommended to us. We don't feel comfortable with the way the procedure is performed and also the fact that you have such a higher risk for multiples. Doctors would maybe recommend selective reduction if they feel the that number of babies you are carrying is unhealthy for you and the babies. Selective reduction is basically what it says you select which egg(s) or as I refer to them baby(babies) you want to dispose of.

Well here is a little excerpt from the book "In Vitro Fertilization" that I received at the Women's Lifestyle Show. This book further confirmed our thoughts and feelings on the fact that we would NOT consider IVF.

Here we go...

"Selective reduction of pregnancy is usually performed prior to completion of the third month of gestation. It involves the injection of a chemical under guidance by ultrasound directly into one or more developing concepti so as to reduce the total number (usually to twins). This is soon followed by absorption of the products of conception by the body. Properly performed by an expert selective reduction of pregnancy rarely (2-7% of cases) results in total loss of the pregnancy."

We have a few problems with this....

1.) Usually before the end of the third month?? That seems pretty far into it as far as I'm concerned.

2.) Injection of a chemical directly into "concepti"(nice choice of words here)

3.) Absorption of the products (another nice choice of words)

All I could say after reading that was WOW!!! There are so many things wrong with that paragraph. As a friend of mine put it that is abortion with a different name to it.

Matthew 5:6

Memory Verse for the week.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.

Matthew 5:6

Trials

Memory Verse

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trails, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

James 1:2-4

Sewing Lessons

Hopefully this post will be a little more positive than my last one.

I've been wanting to learn how to sew for a while now so I took my birthday money and went out and bought a sewing machine and signed up for lessons. The lessons are 6 weeks on Monday nights for a couple of hours. So far I've learned alot. I'm still pretty confused as we are going through making our project but at the end its like wow, all those little steps made that?! Its pretty fun and I'm enjoying it.

Our first project was a flat bottom drawstring bag and our second one was a zippered pillow. I wanted to put the pillow in Kya's crate so she could use it but turns out it is too big. Thats why the fabric is kind of crazy. The picture is hard to tell what it is but it is black fabric with white paw prins.

Maybe someday I'll be able to make some curtains and other fun things!

Yet Another Glitch

Well we have hit yet another glitch in our infertility journey. I feel like I'm on this never ending roller coaster. Its up and then down and we just keep going around and around. I'm not for sure what I posted last about our appointment with the fertility specialist so I'll kind of recap and sorry for repeating. We met with the specialist and decided we were going to do the laproscopic procedure at the beginning of 2011. The procedure was to see if there was something going on (endometriosis, blocked tube) that is causing problems. Its kind of a long story to explain on a blog as to why we were waiting until 2011 but I'll try to give you the main info. We assumed that after the procedure we would have more expenses relating to the infertility. Treatment for what could be wrong, possibly trying intrauterine insemination. We decided to wait so that at the beginning of the year we would hit our out of pocket maximum right away and then the rest of the stuff would be pretty much covered.

Our glitch is this: we received a letter in the mail yesterday that as of the beginning of 2011 we have NO infertility coverage at all. WHAT??? Are you kidding me?? After I went through all that hassle of getting pre-certified for treatment and the hassle of getting my records from 3 different doctors and finally getting an appointment...now we aren't going to have any coverage??

I don't know what we will do now. We have a couple of options:

1. Get pregnant before Jan. 2011 (YEA RIGHT)
2. Find out if PPO will cover infertility and if so switch to that next year. The downfall with this is it costs more per month and also has a higher out of pocket. (We're trying to save money...not spend it all)
3. If PPO doesn't cover infertility then have the procedure now (within the next few months) and decide what to do after that. The downfall with this is just spending more money too because we'll meet our out of pocket at the end of this year and then turn around and have to do it all over again right away next year.
4. Forget about the whole thing and be done with it.
5. Truly truly trust in the Lord's will and His plan. Be content with where the Lord has put us and that He can see the big picture and He knows all these things we're feeling and how much this hurts. His ways/reasons are perfect and we have to accept that.

I know that number 5 is our option but this is just soooo hard emotionally and I'm really struggling with this.

Memory Verse

Just posting the memory verse for the week.

And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope;

Romans 5:3-4

Have a great week!