Well its been almost 2 years since we started trying get pregnant and we've spent most of our time *waiting*. Waiting to do this test or that test, waiting for the results then waiting on insurance, waiting for an appointment with a different doctor and then, now more waiting for insurance. I've always said I'm a very impatient person so hopefully this trial will teach me patience and being content with God's will among many other things.
Since we've spent most of our time waiting and especially lately I haven't had to deal with it directly. As in we haven't had appointments to go to and tests to do, etc. That was always the hardest part was going to the appointment/test and hearing the bad/disappointing news. As we've been idling along here for the past 4-5 months that is something I haven't had to deal with. So I kind of felt protected.
Yesterday (Friday) I called Dr. G's (fertility specialist) office to set up another consult to get some more information about the surgery and also answer some questions we have. Aaron and I decided on Thursday that we would call to set up this appointment but I didn't think much of it. As I started dialing the number my stomach started to churn. I felt sick inside like I could get rid of all the breakfast I had just eaten. Talking in my head I was saying, "Oh no I can't push this to the back of my mind any longer, I have to face this, I have to face the fact that the answer might just be, "I'm sorry you can't have any children."
I know that the doctors don't have the final answer and that the Lord knows all these things but calling and making that appointment made me feel like it was just one step closer to the disappointing result-NO children.
We should have some answers regarding the insurance at the end of next week and I'm praying that the Lord will give us wisdom and direction with what to do next.
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