No Coverage

Well the information with the insurance coverage ended up being open for viewing tonight. There is unfortunately no fertility coverage except diagnosing infertility. They will not cover any kind of treatment.

This is kind of what I expected to happen once Aaron said they would be changing that with the insurance. I tried pushing it to the back of my mind hoping that maybe by some chance they would cover it.

We're not completely decided on what we want to do. We feel that it is a lot of money to do the laprascopic procedure to not necessarily end up with any answers. If they find something and can fix it doesn't mean we'll get pregnant. If we don't do any of this stuff at all doesn't mean we'll get pregnant. There are so many options to weigh out it is hard. Maybe all of these difficulties and setbacks is God's way of showing us that this isn't His will for us. Even if we did try intrauterine insemination there are a lot of medicines and ultrasounds and to me it sounds like more of an emotional roller coaster.

Aaron and I talked a little bit tonight about this and I told him I don't want to go back to the way I was feeling last year around this time. I felt the waiting part of it and then the anticipation of the appointment and then the let-down afterwards with more disappointing news. I was an emotional wreck. The medicine they put you on can cause increased emotions. I felt that way just being on Clomid. There were times where I felt fine and in a good mood and it could be a matter of seconds and I felt so angry and really irrational and kind of crazy. I don't want to go back to that. I can't go back to that. If the medicine doesn't work the first time around they just increase the dose each time it doesn't work. This in turn makes the emotional roller coaster fly at amazing speeds.

So, not for sure what we will do next. I think I would have a hard time being at peace with the situation if we don't do the laprascopy. But then if we do that and they fix it or say they found nothing will I then not be at peace until we try IUI (intrauterine insemination) once, twice or three times. Will it just keep going? Will we get soo caught up in the process that we lose our focus? Shouldn't my peace be in the Lord and in His will and knowing that He knows all these things and will provide us with all He sees fit?

Now for a little side note...


Aaron sometimes ends up talking to guys at work that have adopted. And it did happen to come up today. Maybe God had a hand in this. He was eating lunch with a co-worker and had no idea the guy had kids but they got to talking and the guy said they were getting ready to adopt their second child. He said they tried for 18 years to have a baby (biological) and they never did. They went through all the same stuff we are (but for 18 years!!!!!) but they finally said they didn't want to do that anymore. They didn't want to be on a schedule and let this take over their life so they said no more doctors, no more temperature, no more tests.

Aaron and I found that interesting that it came up at work today (since we knew this insurance stuff was coming up tonight/tomorrow). Maybe the Lord will lead our hearts to adoption. Maybe He won't, but either way my prayer is to trust Him FULLY and COMPLETELY. He knows whats best for us. This is a daily battle but I am thankful for this because He's drawing me closer to Him, I'm wanting to know Him more deeply and rest in Him.

That is it for now!