I never would have thought the path to pregnancy would or could be this hard, maybe even impossible at this point. Thing is, it could get even harder and more frustrating. We never know the plans God has for us, but I would have to say that up to this point in my life this has been the hardest thing I've had to go through. The only comfort I have is knowing that God knows and understands what we're going through and He will always give us the strength to handle this. (And the peace of God which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7)
I never came across those acronyms listed in the title until recently. If anybody reading this isn't familiar here is what they are. TTC-trying to conceive. TTA-trying to avoid. TTW-trying to whatever. BD-baby dance aka make love. POAS-pee on a stick. BFP-big fat positive. BFN-big fat negative. All these were totally foreign to me until about a month or two ago. It seems that recently we have just been swarmed with all things, thoughts and emotions dealing with infertility.
I think most of the people reading this know we have been trying to get pregnant for 12 months now, but if there are some reading this who don't know I'll start from the beginning. I haven't decided how much detail to go into with this but the main point of me writing this blog is to get all this stuff off my chest and just type it all out. It helps me feel better! Also, if someone comes across this blog that has a similar problem or is just dealing with infertility hopefully this can be an encouragement to them and they will know they're not alone in this. So I guess if its too detailed I'll say sorry now.
We had talked about having kids many times. We both knew we wanted to have kids at some point and would like to have three or four, Lord willing. We kept going back and forth on whether to start trying or hold off. When we first got married we wanted to start trying but decided we should wait since we didn't know whether or not we would be moving away from IL. Once we moved to Minnesota we didn't talk about it a whole lot. Figured we would just enjoy our time, just the two of us.
In January of 2009 I skipped a period. We wondered at that time if maybe I was pregnant. After seeing my primary doctor in Minnesota we came to the conclusion that it was an anovulatory cycle (no ovulation) and I had just skipped that month. It was after that first appointment that we decided we would for sure start trying to get pregnant. Little did we know that a year later we would be exhausted with this and still not have a baby. I went ahead and made an appointment with an OB/GYN just to check things out and see if anything was wrong since we would try to get pregnant at some time in the future. I went to that appointment at the end of March and just basically talked with the doctor. He drew some labs and then wanted me to come back in mid April for an ultrasound. The ultrasound came back normal and all but one thing on the bloodwork came back normal. He didn't really explain just said that the ratio of LH to FSH came back reversed. He said we could start Clomid a drug that is taken to help induce ovulation. I asked about PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and he said he wouldn't "hang his hat" on that diagnosis at that time. He said we could also just keep trying on our own for a while if we wanted and then later start the medicine if we felt like we wanted to. After talking about it with Aaron we went with the decision of trying on our own since we had really just started. We figured that if we hadn't gotten pregnant by the time we moved back we would go see a doctor in IL.
Well that is it for now!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Up North-Part Two
Trying to figure out how to start part two?? I guess I'll just jump right in. At the end of September I saw an ad in the paper for a job as a receptionist at an Allergy Clinic. I called that morning to get some information about it and the lady I spoke with said to just come in around 2:00 for an interview. I went to the interview and ended up walking out with a job. It is not what I expected at all. I got to meet the doctor that day and also sit with the other gal up front I would be working with. It ended up being one of the best jobs I've ever had. Probably my favorite job actually. The people and the patients were great. The rest of the year went by pretty quickly and before we knew it our time in Minnesota was half over. At Christmas time my in-laws came up to celebrate and we spent it at my brother and sister-in-law's house hanging out and playing a few games. Well life continued to go on and our time "up north" was slipping away. A few of my favorite things while up there were late night movies at the theater with Aaron and then stopping for a hot chocolate afterwards at Caribou, Caribou alone is a favorite, standing out on the balcony watching the traffic go by soaking up every moment we had up there (I know call me old because I love to watch the traffic but its true) and seeing my niece and nephew change and grow over that whole year. I would have to say the last one is probably my favorite. Before moving to MN we lived in IL and they live up in WI so we really didn't see them all that much. Few times a year maybe. When we moved up there we were only an hour away so we got to spend more time with them. I truly enjoyed that and loved having that time to spend with them. The neatest thing was watching my nephew (Eli) go from a little baby just playing on the floor, to crawling, to walking and to running. It was just really neat to see him go from a baby to a little boy to this little man!! Their little cute faces and adorable smiles just melt my heart!! That is probably the thing I miss most about being back in IL. We miss not being able to see those two and also the family we have up there. We got lots of chances to hang out and I have so many amazing memories from that. Going out to dinner, camping, canoening, backpack camping(I was new to this,it was fun but hard work), spending a weekend at a cabin on a lake and most of all hanging out are just some of the things. Quite a few times the guys took off to go fishing (however they never caught anything?) and my sister in law and I hung out. This was also something I enjoyed a lot. We had obviously been around each other before because we married brothers but until we moved up to MN I never REALLY knew her. So, that year was perfect for that! I can picture myself right now sitting on the chair at the bar/island just talking while she made dinner or did dishes or cleaned up the kitchen. That was how we usually ended up talking. Over time we became friends and now she is more like a sister to me! Thats another thing I miss dearly about being back in IL...not being able to sit at that chair and talk to her. Talking on the phone isn't the same! So, if your reading this Brandi thanks for being there!
Finally spring rolled around...winter in MN seems to last FOREVER. We found out we were moving back to IL and spent the last few months trying to take in every moment of every day we had left. On June 28, 2009 we left "up north" and headed back to the corn fields of central Illinois. We hadn't even gotten to the end of the street by my brother-in-law's house and I was crying. Sometimes I feel like we weren't even there. It was just a dream. The time went by so fast. I'll admit that I've asked Aaron before, "Were we really there? It went by so fast that I feel like I was just dreaming." He reassures me we were in fact up there and tells me to go look at all the pictures I have!! And just like that, no sooner than when we moved up there we were turning back around and heading "home."
Next comes the nightmare of infertility.
Finally spring rolled around...winter in MN seems to last FOREVER. We found out we were moving back to IL and spent the last few months trying to take in every moment of every day we had left. On June 28, 2009 we left "up north" and headed back to the corn fields of central Illinois. We hadn't even gotten to the end of the street by my brother-in-law's house and I was crying. Sometimes I feel like we weren't even there. It was just a dream. The time went by so fast. I'll admit that I've asked Aaron before, "Were we really there? It went by so fast that I feel like I was just dreaming." He reassures me we were in fact up there and tells me to go look at all the pictures I have!! And just like that, no sooner than when we moved up there we were turning back around and heading "home."
Next comes the nightmare of infertility.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Up North-Part One
This is alot of information so I'm going to separate it into parts.
June 6th of 2008 we said goodbye to our first apartment together. I will always remember that place and forever remember the memories there. I don't think I will ever forget the first week after we were married. It was Tuesday June 12th and we were both returning to work. But this was our first day of work as a married couple. Aaron normally left around 6:30 and I was just waking up. I remember standing by the window crying just waving at him as he drove off. I have no idea why I was crying but I guess just feeling emotional that all the hype of the wedding was done and thinking I'm a wife now which means a lot more responsibility than just living with your parents. But anyways, that is my first memory of that place! My last memory is standing on the sidewalk leading up to our apartment just starting at the building while the guys were loading the car onto the trailer. So on June 7th of 2008 we left my parent's house at 3:30am to make the drive up to Minnesota. I was feeling excited but nervous and happy but sad. This was such a big change for us. It wasn't like we were moving across town or just a couple hours away. We were 7 hours and 475 miles away from most of our family. It was a good feeling because we felt like we were truly on our own now but we were also a little worried since neither one of us were really away from home at all growing up. We both went to college close by and lived with our parents at that time. There wasn't going to be any stopping by my parent's or my in-laws house once or twice a week to say hi and see what was going on. We did however have some family up there. Aaron's two brothers (Josh and Jeremy) and sister-in-law (Brandi) and our niece and nephew (Ava, Eli) lived just across the border in Wisconsin. They were about an hour away so it wasn't that far but it was far enough that we usually only saw them on weekends. So it really was just Aaron and I for the most part. I really do think this was so good for us. We really got a chance to be on our own and depend on one another for support. I think it was something that we needed and I truly enjoyed it. As I'm writing this my mind is being flooded with all the memories I have from up there.
We got to the apartment in mid afternoon and got all our papers signed and the keys to our new place!! At this point I was overwhelmed with excitement and just trying to take everything in. We spent the next few days unpacking and spending some time with my parents. I think the first place we went to eat was obviously TGI Friday's (no surprise there). We then headed back to Illinois for a few days to pick up the other car and our last few items. I remember the 7 hour drive back ended up taking 10 hours due to all the flooding that was going on. Which this gave us alot of time to think about this new chapter in our lives.
Aaron didn't start his job until after July 4th so we had almost a month together of just hanging around and getting settled in. We ended up in a city called Maple Grove. It was about 15-20 mintues northwest of Minneapolis. When we look back on this we think of how God provided us with such a great place. Before we had moved up there we spent one weeekend in April looking for a place. Actually we drove up on a Friday, looked for an apartment on Saturday and then left on either Sunday or Monday. Caterpillar picks a realtor for you and that person drives you around to places that are close to your work. Aaron and I went into this totally blind having no idea where anything was. We did little to no research before we left. We were pretty lost just with all the interstates around and having no clue how we were going to figure this out. But God provided us with one of the best realtors. She was hilarous and very easy to work with. Her and I had a great time actually. Aaron was feeling pretty sick with a cold this day so he sat in the back of the car just sleeping from one destination to the next while the realtor and I were chatting about this, that, and the other thing. The last place we went to was Mallard Ridge Apartments in Maple Grove. We took one look inside and less than five mintues later we were filling out paperwork. We absolutely loved Maple Grove. For days we just drove all around trying to find everything and explore the area. Shops and restaurants galore!!!! Every girl's dream right? Stores and places to eat at that I normally had to drive at least 20 mintues to in Illinois were literally two minutes down the road! It was great! The one thing we did notice very quickly was the traffic. One day we decided to get on the interstate and head 10 mintues west to the next town and the traffic was horrible. It was bumper to bumper on a Friday at 1:00 in the afternoon. We soon came to realize the phrase "Up North." Very common in Minnesota but we had no idea what it meant. Well apparently everyone in Minnesota has a cabin on a lake or someone they know has a cabin "up north" and they all go up there on the weekends and hang out on their boats and other watercraft that they have. I guess that explained the traffic in the middle of a Friday.
At the end of June I got a job at a cancer clinic. I was reffered to as a floater. I would do scheduling one day then reception another day and then medical records another day. This job didn't last long at all though. They were having me switch between two different facilities. First of all it took 45 mintues to get to the one clinic and the other clinic was about an hour away. So first of all the drive was horrible. Then, I just didn't really care for the people or the doctors at this clinic. I think I started June 30th and had quit by July 20th.
July 4th came around and my in-laws came up for a visit. We spent July 4th at my brother and sister in law's house having a cookout and just hanging out. The rest of the summer seemed to slip through our fingers pretty quickly. Fall was around the corner and so was my birthday! We ended up going to the zoo and just out to dinner. Turning 22 was no big deal. Kind of a boring number so we didn't really do anything too special. Aaron did take the day off though. I remember getting up that morning and he hadn't left for work yet and I asked him why and he said, "I took it off to spend the day with you." What a sweet guy God gave me!
Well that is all for now! Part 2 will come soon!
June 6th of 2008 we said goodbye to our first apartment together. I will always remember that place and forever remember the memories there. I don't think I will ever forget the first week after we were married. It was Tuesday June 12th and we were both returning to work. But this was our first day of work as a married couple. Aaron normally left around 6:30 and I was just waking up. I remember standing by the window crying just waving at him as he drove off. I have no idea why I was crying but I guess just feeling emotional that all the hype of the wedding was done and thinking I'm a wife now which means a lot more responsibility than just living with your parents. But anyways, that is my first memory of that place! My last memory is standing on the sidewalk leading up to our apartment just starting at the building while the guys were loading the car onto the trailer. So on June 7th of 2008 we left my parent's house at 3:30am to make the drive up to Minnesota. I was feeling excited but nervous and happy but sad. This was such a big change for us. It wasn't like we were moving across town or just a couple hours away. We were 7 hours and 475 miles away from most of our family. It was a good feeling because we felt like we were truly on our own now but we were also a little worried since neither one of us were really away from home at all growing up. We both went to college close by and lived with our parents at that time. There wasn't going to be any stopping by my parent's or my in-laws house once or twice a week to say hi and see what was going on. We did however have some family up there. Aaron's two brothers (Josh and Jeremy) and sister-in-law (Brandi) and our niece and nephew (Ava, Eli) lived just across the border in Wisconsin. They were about an hour away so it wasn't that far but it was far enough that we usually only saw them on weekends. So it really was just Aaron and I for the most part. I really do think this was so good for us. We really got a chance to be on our own and depend on one another for support. I think it was something that we needed and I truly enjoyed it. As I'm writing this my mind is being flooded with all the memories I have from up there.
We got to the apartment in mid afternoon and got all our papers signed and the keys to our new place!! At this point I was overwhelmed with excitement and just trying to take everything in. We spent the next few days unpacking and spending some time with my parents. I think the first place we went to eat was obviously TGI Friday's (no surprise there). We then headed back to Illinois for a few days to pick up the other car and our last few items. I remember the 7 hour drive back ended up taking 10 hours due to all the flooding that was going on. Which this gave us alot of time to think about this new chapter in our lives.
Aaron didn't start his job until after July 4th so we had almost a month together of just hanging around and getting settled in. We ended up in a city called Maple Grove. It was about 15-20 mintues northwest of Minneapolis. When we look back on this we think of how God provided us with such a great place. Before we had moved up there we spent one weeekend in April looking for a place. Actually we drove up on a Friday, looked for an apartment on Saturday and then left on either Sunday or Monday. Caterpillar picks a realtor for you and that person drives you around to places that are close to your work. Aaron and I went into this totally blind having no idea where anything was. We did little to no research before we left. We were pretty lost just with all the interstates around and having no clue how we were going to figure this out. But God provided us with one of the best realtors. She was hilarous and very easy to work with. Her and I had a great time actually. Aaron was feeling pretty sick with a cold this day so he sat in the back of the car just sleeping from one destination to the next while the realtor and I were chatting about this, that, and the other thing. The last place we went to was Mallard Ridge Apartments in Maple Grove. We took one look inside and less than five mintues later we were filling out paperwork. We absolutely loved Maple Grove. For days we just drove all around trying to find everything and explore the area. Shops and restaurants galore!!!! Every girl's dream right? Stores and places to eat at that I normally had to drive at least 20 mintues to in Illinois were literally two minutes down the road! It was great! The one thing we did notice very quickly was the traffic. One day we decided to get on the interstate and head 10 mintues west to the next town and the traffic was horrible. It was bumper to bumper on a Friday at 1:00 in the afternoon. We soon came to realize the phrase "Up North." Very common in Minnesota but we had no idea what it meant. Well apparently everyone in Minnesota has a cabin on a lake or someone they know has a cabin "up north" and they all go up there on the weekends and hang out on their boats and other watercraft that they have. I guess that explained the traffic in the middle of a Friday.
At the end of June I got a job at a cancer clinic. I was reffered to as a floater. I would do scheduling one day then reception another day and then medical records another day. This job didn't last long at all though. They were having me switch between two different facilities. First of all it took 45 mintues to get to the one clinic and the other clinic was about an hour away. So first of all the drive was horrible. Then, I just didn't really care for the people or the doctors at this clinic. I think I started June 30th and had quit by July 20th.
July 4th came around and my in-laws came up for a visit. We spent July 4th at my brother and sister in law's house having a cookout and just hanging out. The rest of the summer seemed to slip through our fingers pretty quickly. Fall was around the corner and so was my birthday! We ended up going to the zoo and just out to dinner. Turning 22 was no big deal. Kind of a boring number so we didn't really do anything too special. Aaron did take the day off though. I remember getting up that morning and he hadn't left for work yet and I asked him why and he said, "I took it off to spend the day with you." What a sweet guy God gave me!
Well that is all for now! Part 2 will come soon!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
"I Do"-The first year
Year one of marriage was filled with new jobs, new semesters of school, new humble abode, and many compromises. I remember talking to Barb (mother-in-law) before we got married and saying, "I can't imagine married life being that much different than dating." She just looked at me, nodded, and smiled. While quietly thinking to herself this girl has got a lot to learn. Don't get me wrong marriage is great but when you add two different people plus two different personalities it equals two different ways of doing things. Once you get into a groove of being married and figuring out what makes the other person tick before you know it you have grown a lot closer. A week before we had gotten married I just started a new job answering phones at Gastroenterology, LTD. The job started out incredibly rocky and I remember going home crying every night for about 3 months saying how much I did not like it. As time went on and I got to know the people I was working with it started to get better. Not great by any means but bearable. Aaron just started an internship at Caterpillar. Also on our plate was school. Aaron was in his senior year of Engineering which meant staying up until midnight doing homework to get up at 5:00am to go to work and then to school and then back to work and then home. To not only start the process over again the next day. I was attending Illinois Central College a community college but wasn't quite sure of what I was wanting to do. I started out with nursing then decided I wasn't ready for that at that time. So I switched to ASL which later decided I really would rather do something medical. Which then ended up studying to be a Medical Office Assistant. Well then we didn't know whether we were going to be moving or not or trying to start a family so I just ended up going to ICC and getting an Associates in General Education. Basically just saying I went to college for three years and took all Gen Ed classes. Seems like kind of a waste. During this first year of marriage Aaron had interviewed for a position in the MPDP(Manufacturing Professional Development Program) program at Caterpillar. He went through three one hour interviews and then one phone interview (behavioral profiling analysis) He said it was pretty intense. They asked questions like "How do you think?" Do you like to make people happy? How do you like to make people happy? It was about 45 mintues of questions like that. He came home that night and said, "Well I won't be getting that job." Little did we knew God had a plan. Aaron got that job (which didn't start until June 2008). It is 3 one year rotations that he has to go through. Which they also move you around to different facilities. Once we found out he got the job we didn't know whether we would be staying or moving. We spent almost everyday talking about it and wondering what would happen. Spring of 2008came and we found out we were moving to Minnesoooota. (haha) Well the end of the school year FINALLY came around, we both graduated but skipped the ceremonies to finally take our honeymoon to Punta Cana in the Dominican Republic. The trip started out a little rough but we ended up having a fantastic time and will forever have those memories and never forget Pedro the bellhop! So our first year anniversary came and we ended up spending it moving! Little did we know the next year would be a year filled with incredible memories and new friendships!
"I Do"
Flashback to June 9th, 2007. White dress. Black tux. Mid 70's summer day with a gentle breeze and clear blue skies. It was absolutely gorgeous. I remember the day started off with a sausage biscuit from Hardee's (imagine that) and an appointment for hair and makeup. However, I don't even think Aaron was awake at this point. Isn't it great how us women spend the entire morning/day getting ready and our soon to be husbands go through the same routine they do every morning to get ready for the day? Just goes to show how much hype goes into a wedding and how we all think every little detail needs to be perfect. The thing that is most important on this day is the fact that two people are going to be joined as one. ("A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one." Ephesians 5:31) I remember getting to the church to get dressed and forgot all that uncomfortable "stuff" that went underneath it. If this is supposed to be one of the most unforgettable days of our lives shouldn't we at least be able to be comfortable?Thankfully my uncomfortable undergarments were at my Grandma's and she was able to have them there within 10 minutes. That problem was solved! We went downtown to get pictures taken which went well. However, our limo driver was a little crazy and I think we were all feeling a little sick by the time we got downtown. Well, soon came 4:00 and the time to walk down the aisle. Before I knew it the ceremony was over and we were eating dinner anxiously awaiting our night away! Sunday June 10th began the start of a new life together. I couldn't help but wonder what the future held for us...
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Introduction
Hey everyone! I'm new to this whole blogging thing. But after joining a Christian Family Planning site and reading some of the blogs on there I've become interested in it! We'll see how long it lasts. Well if your reading this I would assume you know me, but if you don't here is a little introduction. My name is Sammy and I'm 23 years old. My husband Aaron is 24 and we met in High School in 2002. At that time I was a sophomore and he was a junior. We started dating and have spent what seems like most every waking moment together since. He has opened my eyes to a lot of things and The Lord used him to bring me to become saved and a Christian. We have a Shih Tzu puppy who is 8 months old right now!! Her name is Kya and she helps keep me company during the day! I love her very much and at this point she is our child right now! I am currently a stay at home wife and absolutely loving it. Aaron is a manufacturing engineer with Caterpillar and has been working there since June 2008. Well that is a brief introduction and more to come later.
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