Adoption Update...Again

I'm not sure when I last updated but there is some new information to give you. We had a meeting last week with our adoption agency. We needed to discuss a few things with them and had some questions. Another reason we met with them was to get information about a little girl we were interested in. There is a website called adoptuskids.org. It is one that anybody can visit and you can view children that are up for adoption. Most times the kids have some type of special need. Typically the older children (maybe 6 and above) may have just behavioral problems or anger issues. The younger ones (which is where we would be looking) seem to have more medical special needs.

Anyways, we check the website quite often. We found a little girl on there that we wanted more information about. It only allows us to see so much about her but we knew that the agency could see more. She did have some needs listed but we weren't sure if it was things she would grow out of or not. When we got to the office and got the report on her, we saw words like "failure to thrive" and "pervasive developmental disorder." She was 2 years old but more like an 8-12 month old. I was so saddended by this because of her birthmom's poor choices she has to go through all this. Unfortunately we felt she did have too many needs that we didn't feel comfortable with at this time. She is no longer listed on the website so I'm praying that a really great family adopted her and she will have a much stable future. Sometimes though kids will go off the website so you think they have been adopted but then a few days later they are back on.

In other news we are about 8 months along in our "adoption wait" We are starting to get anxious and antsy and ready to hear some more "better" news soon but we know its in the Lord's hands. Our caseworker did tell us that there was a birthmom considering us. We matched up with all the things she was looking for but for some reason she ended up choosing a different family. She didn't tell us the reason why. I'm kind of not wanting to know the reason why. I feel like that just wasn't the child God had picked out for us.

We're praying for patience, and trust in His plan and that He knows whats best for us. Sometimes Many times this is hard because I can't imagine myself not being a mom and taking care of kids. You know when you are younger and people ask you what you want to be when you grow up? That is what I've always wanted to be. Yea sure I thought oh I would have some kind of career until I got married and had kids. But once that happened being a mom would be my new most important career. I so badly want to be there for my kids and help them grow and develop. I want them to run to me when their scared or confused or want to talk. But, what do you do when there are no kids there? How do you consistently accept and be content with not getting the desires of your heart(deep deep desires), while watching so many others who are?

God is teaching me soooo much in this(I'll share more on this in a later post). Infertility is still very much a part of our journey. Adoption doesn't make the ache of infertility disappear. But, through this God opened my eyes to getting to know Him so much more and appreciate ALL the ways in which He provides for us and that living life as a Christian isn't just going through the motions...its so much more than that.