My niece and nephews are here spending the week with their grandparents (my in-laws) in IL. They live 6-7 hours away so we don't get to see them very often so we enjoy their time here. We mainly just go over to my in-laws at night and play with them for a while.
The youngest one (5 months) is also here this time too so its fun to get to feed him, play with him and hold him.
There's no easy way to say this and I've been running it through my brain to try and figure out the best wording. We love these kids so much and we love getting to see them but its also really hard for us. We can't help but wonder if we had one, two or three of our own what they would be like.
Sometimes I feel like I kind of back away from playing with them or only go over a few days they are there because its hard to go through those emotions every time. At the same time I don't want to miss out on their littleness. We already don't see them but a few times a year and they are only little for a very short period of time. I don't want to look back in 10 years and wish I was more involved when they came down to visit.
I'm trying to shove these emotions aside and just enjoy the week with them.
Thoughts running through my head...
Will we ever have a family of our own?
When will this stop hurting?
Lyrics from a song by Kellie Coffey
"All I want is a family like everyone else I see and I won't understand it, if its not meant to me."
"What I want most before my time is gone is to hear the words I love you Mom."
Encouragement from a new found friend...
"I think having the thing I most desired in the world be broken to pieces has 1) made my reliance on God increase a million times...."
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