Wow. I know I haven't posted in quite a while. Ever since the boys got placed with us my blogging has kind of fallen off. By the time they go to bed at night I don't have the energy to post anything. There are so many things I wish I could share about them but we just can't. They are doing very well in preschool and learning lots of new things. They have really improved in letters, colors, numbers, and Cruiser writes his name by himself now! Some days he does better than others but with encouragement and when he's in the mood he writes it really well. Bruiser is day-time potty trained and even at school he does very well. He was wearing regular underwear with potty pants over top in case he did have an accident. After being accident free for a while I took the potty pants off and he's done very well since then!!!! He had a few accidents at school after the potty pants were gone but not many!! I've heard/read other Mom's talk about dreading when its about time to potty train. I'm sure I would have felt the same way if I had a child that was reaching that age. Thankfully, getting placed with a boy that is already at that age I didn't have time to dread getting to that point...he was already at the point of needing to have it done so I didn't have time to stew about it. With my personality I think it was good I didn't have the time to think about it...it was better to just dive right in and get it done. Easier said than done though. He still wears a diaper at night but everybody keeps telling me not to worry about it...that it will come in time. I'm trying to work on not letting it bother me.
As far as discipline goes we have been trying to figure out strategies that will work so they will learn to behave. Time-outs, corner and removal of privileges. I've been trying to talk with others on what works for them and their children. The hard thing is that they are raising bio children. I haven't had these kids since birth so I'm starting out with one very strong willed little boy and one who loves to please but does get moody/ornery. Don't get me wrong they are very good boys. However, they are kids so they do misbehave, challenge us, test our patience, and be ornery.
I've heard of 1-2-3 Magic by a few people and I've actually watched most of the DVD. I have always been skeptical of counting because I think that by counting to 3 or whatever number you may choose the child catches on that once you say 1 they still have at least 1 more chance to misbehave and they turn that into them controlling the situation by stopping the behavior at 2 or right when you say 3. Basically it just feels like your giving them permission to continue on in the behavior. Now I do realize the counting may not work for all situations however the DVD didn't cover some of the problems I have run into. For example, the first few times I did the counting with the boys and they persisted in their behavior they did take a time-out. However, now they think it is a game and when I say 1 they look at me and smile, persist in the behavior and then say that's 2. Man that is so frustrating. Its like they think its a game. But maybe I am doing something wrong...because this certainly isn't magic. I know that their is an age difference in the boys but when they are smiling at me and laughing and just by the look on their faces they know that they are doing something wrong they do need discipline for their actions. I've tried explaining behavior has consequences such as time outs, corner, removal of privileges. Cruiser seems to understand that most of the time. Bruiser still seems a bit puzzled by this and I've tried to break it down as simply as I can but maybe he's just still too young. During the 1-2-3 Magic DVD I watched the guy talk about us parents thinking of the kids as "little adults" he referred to it as "little adult syndrome." I feel myself thinking this many times. Forgetting that they don't have the same reasoning/logic that we do and that if I didn't have those expectations I could understand more of their misbehavior. So anyways, I'm not sure counting is going to work for us. But if any of you reading this do the counting...let me know what you think. Am I doing something wrong?
Our licensing worker came for her semi-annual over a month ago and talked about the discipline strategy called "Love & Logic" so I might start looking into that. I think the agency offers classes on it so I might just sign us up for that!
If any of you reading this have any suggestions/advice let me know.
We love love love these boys and they have taught me a lot! They wear me out but also make me laugh and smile at their craziness!
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Friday, November 2, 2012
Praying With Them And For Them
Each night before we put the boys to bed we pray with them. At first it was hard to get them to sit still and not keep interrupting. They do much better now. The little one still keeps his eyes open and kind of gazes off in space but I've noticed that the older one really closes his eyes tight and folds his hands and bows his head. We usually thank God for the day, food, safety, other siblings, their Mom and Dad, our family, the opportunity the Lord gave us to care for the boys, and most of all the gift of His Son Jesus who died for us so that we could be saved.
Even though we had been praying with them every night we were curious if they really were listening or understanding what we were saying. Yesterday, I was getting the boys ready for a nap and the older one came and asked can we say our prayers? I have to admit that usually at nap time we don't do prayers so I said, "No we need to get laid down it is getting late." He said, "Ok I'll just say them to myself." I said, Of course you can!" I heard him saying, "Thank you for the day, the food, my mother and father in law names, Aaron and Hammy, sister's names, his Mom and Dad." We walked into the little one's room to lay him down and I said, "Ok let's go ahead and say prayers." When we sat down the older boy said, "I want to say them." So I said, "Ok." He started praying and saying many of the same things above. When he stopped I started praying and when I said, "Most of all Lord thank you for Your Son Jesus who died...." I must have paused or swallowed or something because he immediately said, "For us." I couldn't believe it! He must actually be listening when we pray at night! Of course I realize he may not be understanding it all but I think he understands more than we think. Also, I think its good that they hear us praying for their Mom and Dad, their siblings and also for them. It shows the boys that we care about their birth family and want to support that relationship and also care and love them very much!
I pray that these are things that will stay with them forever. I pray that no matter what happens the Lord will work in their hearts and reveal Himself to them and that they would trust Him and follow His Son.
Being able to care for them has been such a blessing to us! We LOVE having them with us and they are SO much fun! Many times people ask, "How can you do that? How can you take these kids in knowing they could be returned to their family, you will get attached and how will you give them back?" Well, its true we are definitely attached and love these boys with everything but even if we had biological kids we aren't guaranteed them for life. The Lord gives AND takes away. Many parents have kids that end up passing away whether it be car accident, illness, etc. Do you think those parents would go back and change having that child? Absolutely not! These kids in foster care need so much love and attention and I feel like that would just be me being selfish if all I thought about was my feelings. Of course it will be hard and sad to give these kids back but just knowing we stepped up and cared for them is a great feeling! I would NEVER change having them here regardless of how short/long their stay is. These kids deserve loving/caring/stable families who can help them heal/grow/learn. I'm so thankful the Lord led us down this path and pray that He would continue to give us strength as we travel this unfamiliar (to us anyways) road.
Even though we had been praying with them every night we were curious if they really were listening or understanding what we were saying. Yesterday, I was getting the boys ready for a nap and the older one came and asked can we say our prayers? I have to admit that usually at nap time we don't do prayers so I said, "No we need to get laid down it is getting late." He said, "Ok I'll just say them to myself." I said, Of course you can!" I heard him saying, "Thank you for the day, the food, my mother and father in law names, Aaron and Hammy, sister's names, his Mom and Dad." We walked into the little one's room to lay him down and I said, "Ok let's go ahead and say prayers." When we sat down the older boy said, "I want to say them." So I said, "Ok." He started praying and saying many of the same things above. When he stopped I started praying and when I said, "Most of all Lord thank you for Your Son Jesus who died...." I must have paused or swallowed or something because he immediately said, "For us." I couldn't believe it! He must actually be listening when we pray at night! Of course I realize he may not be understanding it all but I think he understands more than we think. Also, I think its good that they hear us praying for their Mom and Dad, their siblings and also for them. It shows the boys that we care about their birth family and want to support that relationship and also care and love them very much!
I pray that these are things that will stay with them forever. I pray that no matter what happens the Lord will work in their hearts and reveal Himself to them and that they would trust Him and follow His Son.
Being able to care for them has been such a blessing to us! We LOVE having them with us and they are SO much fun! Many times people ask, "How can you do that? How can you take these kids in knowing they could be returned to their family, you will get attached and how will you give them back?" Well, its true we are definitely attached and love these boys with everything but even if we had biological kids we aren't guaranteed them for life. The Lord gives AND takes away. Many parents have kids that end up passing away whether it be car accident, illness, etc. Do you think those parents would go back and change having that child? Absolutely not! These kids in foster care need so much love and attention and I feel like that would just be me being selfish if all I thought about was my feelings. Of course it will be hard and sad to give these kids back but just knowing we stepped up and cared for them is a great feeling! I would NEVER change having them here regardless of how short/long their stay is. These kids deserve loving/caring/stable families who can help them heal/grow/learn. I'm so thankful the Lord led us down this path and pray that He would continue to give us strength as we travel this unfamiliar (to us anyways) road.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Amazing Feeling
There are many things that are great about being a mom. One of my favorite things however is seeing or hearing the boys do something that Aaron or I have taught them. Its not only an accomplishment for them but it also makes me feel good too! When the boys first came to us they would hardly play toys and constantly follow us around. There is still some of that going on but they are much better at it. We would spend time playing with them and showing them how to use the toys. They also wouldn't pretend play. I remember one day, shortly after they were just placed with us, we were playing with a castle and I was making up stories and pretending with them. They kind of looked at me like I was weird and they didn't quite understand. Now they have started doing pretend play much more often. I can hear them down the hallway, and listening to what they say and a lot of what they are saying is things we say. Typical things you would say when making dinner and setting the table. It is so cute and I love it! They were pretending today about one of the boys being in a time out and the other boy said, "I talked to him about it." He must hear Aaron and I saying that often. When one of the kids is in their room for something Aaron or I will say, "I'm going to go talk to him."
Recently we've been working with one of the boys on learning on how to swing. We were explaining how to pump your legs and we demonstrated it for him. He didn't appear to be listening or seem to want to try. Today when I picked him up from school his teacher asked me if he had been swinging? I told her we were working on it and she said he did it all by himself today. I was so proud of him and gave him a great big hug and kiss and told him how proud of him I was. He got a big smile on his face! That will never get old for me! I love seeing their faces light up when they know we're proud of them. He even asked me in the car about 15 minutes later..."Your proud of me?" Sometimes when I would go and pick him up from school I would watch him play outside. I wondered why he would never be on the swings. It was something I figured he would like. Turns out he just didn't know how.
So many other things such as colors, letters, taking shoes off, putting clothes on and taking them off, putting socks on right. All the things I see them doing that they weren't doing before and knowing we taught them that just makes my heart melt!
Recently we've been working with one of the boys on learning on how to swing. We were explaining how to pump your legs and we demonstrated it for him. He didn't appear to be listening or seem to want to try. Today when I picked him up from school his teacher asked me if he had been swinging? I told her we were working on it and she said he did it all by himself today. I was so proud of him and gave him a great big hug and kiss and told him how proud of him I was. He got a big smile on his face! That will never get old for me! I love seeing their faces light up when they know we're proud of them. He even asked me in the car about 15 minutes later..."Your proud of me?" Sometimes when I would go and pick him up from school I would watch him play outside. I wondered why he would never be on the swings. It was something I figured he would like. Turns out he just didn't know how.
So many other things such as colors, letters, taking shoes off, putting clothes on and taking them off, putting socks on right. All the things I see them doing that they weren't doing before and knowing we taught them that just makes my heart melt!
Monday, October 15, 2012
This Parenting Business Is Hard Work
Oh man do I love these two little guys we have staying with us! They are so much fun and silly and goofy! They are very affectionate and always wanting hugs and kisses and high fives! They love the praise and attention for things when they have done something right. Just seeing the smile on their face when we tell them we are proud of them or seeing the excitement in his eyes when he writes letters of the alphabet correctly or tell us when he needs to go potty and has not had an accident!
This parenting stuff is hard business though. I knew it would be hard regardless but with foster care I feel there are so many more variables. You are caring for someone else's kids, most times kids you haven't had with you since birth, you don't know a lot of their history and etc. You don't know how long these kids are going to be with you. You want them to enjoy living with you and feeling safe and comfortable and filling their bellies with food and teaching them new things. But at the same time you want to teach them structure and how to behave appropriately and say please and thank you and have a concern for others. I am constantly asking myself is this something I should shrug off as typical kid behavior or something we need to talk with them about or something they need a time out for. At times Aaron and I find ourselves discussing this right after they have just done something wrong and we just look at each other and end up winging it!
I never realized how selfless you have to be as a mom, or should I say how selfish I was before we had kids running around. Now I hardly ever get to start/finish a task without being interrupted, hardly ever getting to eat a meal that stays hot the whole time, knowing that I should let them help me do certain tasks because its good for them to learn and good for them to want to help even though it would be much faster if I just did it myself. Patience is a virtue my friends!
There are some days when I get tired of having to go and talk to a child for the 3rd, 4th, 5th and so on time about how we need to be nice and listen and obey. I need to seize those parenting/teaching moments right when they happen rather than waiting until I throw that last load of clothes in, finish vacuuming or folding laundry.
We've been reading them some bible stories and talking about God with them and explaining to them who God is. The other night the one boy said, (before their bedtime story) "Can we read the God book tonight?" It just made my heart melt. We were having them learn a memory verse last week and just hearing them remember it and say it was so sweet! I know they are young but I pray these things stick with them. I pray they will learn to love the Lord and follow His Son.
I want to make sure I spend time with them, not just meeting their basic physical needs but all their other needs too, emotional, social, intellectual, and cultural needs. Teaching them, playing with them and just being there for them. They are only young for such a short time and its time we can't get back and if they go home I want to make sure I gave them plenty of love and attention!
So these last few months have been amazing, exhausting, fun, challenging, and rewarding. I'm so thankful that God led us to foster care. It's had its frustrations and challenges and I'm sure there will be many more obstacles ahead but knowing that we were allowed the chance to provide these kids with a safe haven during a time of confusion and trauma makes me so thankful!
For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
This parenting stuff is hard business though. I knew it would be hard regardless but with foster care I feel there are so many more variables. You are caring for someone else's kids, most times kids you haven't had with you since birth, you don't know a lot of their history and etc. You don't know how long these kids are going to be with you. You want them to enjoy living with you and feeling safe and comfortable and filling their bellies with food and teaching them new things. But at the same time you want to teach them structure and how to behave appropriately and say please and thank you and have a concern for others. I am constantly asking myself is this something I should shrug off as typical kid behavior or something we need to talk with them about or something they need a time out for. At times Aaron and I find ourselves discussing this right after they have just done something wrong and we just look at each other and end up winging it!
I never realized how selfless you have to be as a mom, or should I say how selfish I was before we had kids running around. Now I hardly ever get to start/finish a task without being interrupted, hardly ever getting to eat a meal that stays hot the whole time, knowing that I should let them help me do certain tasks because its good for them to learn and good for them to want to help even though it would be much faster if I just did it myself. Patience is a virtue my friends!
There are some days when I get tired of having to go and talk to a child for the 3rd, 4th, 5th and so on time about how we need to be nice and listen and obey. I need to seize those parenting/teaching moments right when they happen rather than waiting until I throw that last load of clothes in, finish vacuuming or folding laundry.
We've been reading them some bible stories and talking about God with them and explaining to them who God is. The other night the one boy said, (before their bedtime story) "Can we read the God book tonight?" It just made my heart melt. We were having them learn a memory verse last week and just hearing them remember it and say it was so sweet! I know they are young but I pray these things stick with them. I pray they will learn to love the Lord and follow His Son.
I want to make sure I spend time with them, not just meeting their basic physical needs but all their other needs too, emotional, social, intellectual, and cultural needs. Teaching them, playing with them and just being there for them. They are only young for such a short time and its time we can't get back and if they go home I want to make sure I gave them plenty of love and attention!
So these last few months have been amazing, exhausting, fun, challenging, and rewarding. I'm so thankful that God led us to foster care. It's had its frustrations and challenges and I'm sure there will be many more obstacles ahead but knowing that we were allowed the chance to provide these kids with a safe haven during a time of confusion and trauma makes me so thankful!
For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Blogging
I know I haven't blogged in quite a while. Of course we've been busy over the past couple months and there are so many things I want to write about I'm just not sure if I want to continue blogging or not. We've been having a lot of fun and enjoying taking care of the 2 little guys we have with us but at the same time we feel so frustrated with the "system." I think most of my posts would all be negative so I'm trying to decide whether to keep writing or not.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Life As A (Foster) Mom
Appointments, phone calls, court, visits, more appointments, more phone calls....well I guess you get the picture. Have you noticed my posts are getting fewer and farther between? On top of all the things mentioned above I think I hear my name, although pronounced differently (Hammy) about 1,495,765 times a day. Of course I'm exaggerating but it sure feels like it. They say it about 12 times before I can even give them an answer. Crazy kids! However, they are super sweet, super cute, super loving and a lot of fun!
Whew it has been quite a week and I would be lying if I said it was easy. This has probably been the hardest week since the kids have been placed with us. I've just been feeling stressed and overwhelmed and wanting things to slow down. We've had so many things going on I think my feeling rundown is starting to catch up with me. Preschool, potty training (which is including lots of extra laundry), clothes shopping, all those appts, phone calls, paperwork. I'm sure many of you reading this have experienced this, but have you sat in the Dr's office for over an hour with a toddler for the Dr. to come in and spend 2 minutes with you?
I'm hoping within the next few weeks things will continue slowing down but we shall see. We've been enjoying having them with us. They are learning new things, opening up more and more and hopefully having lots of fun! We're praying that we can settle into a routine soon and continue to show these kids love and attention and fun and teach them about Jesus!!
Whew it has been quite a week and I would be lying if I said it was easy. This has probably been the hardest week since the kids have been placed with us. I've just been feeling stressed and overwhelmed and wanting things to slow down. We've had so many things going on I think my feeling rundown is starting to catch up with me. Preschool, potty training (which is including lots of extra laundry), clothes shopping, all those appts, phone calls, paperwork. I'm sure many of you reading this have experienced this, but have you sat in the Dr's office for over an hour with a toddler for the Dr. to come in and spend 2 minutes with you?
I'm hoping within the next few weeks things will continue slowing down but we shall see. We've been enjoying having them with us. They are learning new things, opening up more and more and hopefully having lots of fun! We're praying that we can settle into a routine soon and continue to show these kids love and attention and fun and teach them about Jesus!!
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Life Is Different Now...But A Good Different
Wow...what a difference a week and a half makes. Going from 0 to 2 kids in a matter of a few days has been crazy busy. Lots of phone calls, appointments, running here and there and everywhere.
So far things have been going very well. We have definitely fallen in love with these little guys and they've captured our hearts! When they are being silly, Aaron and I just look at each other and smile. They seem to be attaching/bonding well with us and our family so we are thankful for that. They are so sweet and so loving. I've heard people that have fostered before say this is the "honeymoon phase" but I'm praying they stay sweet and loving! They are super good eaters and eat pretty much anything we put in front of them so we happy about that. I'm the pickiest eater I know but they aren't picky at all.
The first few nights we just had the one and he had a little trouble going to bed but thats understandable. I ended up rocking him to sleep in the chair and then carrying him to his bed. The little one just cries for a few minutes when we put him to bed then he's pretty much out. There have been two nights that he has woken up but he seems to just be having a bad dream and goes back to sleep pretty quickly.
I seem to now have 4 extra feet following me everywhere which is a test of patience but I keep reminding myself how badly I wanted to have those little feet following me around. They helped me bake cookies the other day which was fun. We ended up with flour and sugar all over the floor but turns out the one boy loves vacuuming so he took care of it for me! It's so sweet to see how excited they get over baking cookies or helping you do something. They want to empty the washer/dryer, load/unload the dishwasher, carry in groceries. Aaron said we should enjoy this because eventually they might not be so willing to help.
We have just been so thankful for this opportunity and this chance to love on these little guys! They make us smile and laugh and even though it has been tiring and lots of changes and less time for ourselves we've been enjoying having them here! They bring tears to my eyes when I see their faces light up when we tell them we're proud of them for behaving or going on the big boy potty or learning their colors and abc's. After telling the little one we're proud of him he will point to himself with a big smile on his face and say, "Proud of me?"
So many nights I prayed/cried for a child or children and wondered if it was in God's plan for us. Back a year ago or maybe even a year and a half ago a friend from high school asked me about foster care and if we would be interested in that. At that time I thought oh no way could Aaron and I do that. We talked about it a little bit but decided that we didn't feel ready for something like that. Over time God opened our hearts to it and we felt more led in that direction. We thought that maybe we could go ahead and take the classes to just be prepared if we decided to switch agencies and pursue foster care. The classes helped us realize how blessed we were by the families we had and that lots of kids out there don't have that. We wanted to help and make a difference even if it was just temporary.
Our church family has been amazing with support and encouragement! We have had people bringing meals this past week and also this upcoming week! It has been super encouraging for them to meet the boys and also bring a super tasty dinner. I've received lots of emails/texts/messages with words of support and prayers that have given me strength when I've been so tired from cleaning up messes and going potty and washing hands 75 times a day!!
I've thankful for this path that God led us down and I want to remember to cherish every moment with these boys because we don't know how long they will be with us! We will love on them for as long as we can!
This week potty training is going to be my job. Prayers please!!!
A site I never thought I'd see...little shoes!!!!
So far things have been going very well. We have definitely fallen in love with these little guys and they've captured our hearts! When they are being silly, Aaron and I just look at each other and smile. They seem to be attaching/bonding well with us and our family so we are thankful for that. They are so sweet and so loving. I've heard people that have fostered before say this is the "honeymoon phase" but I'm praying they stay sweet and loving! They are super good eaters and eat pretty much anything we put in front of them so we happy about that. I'm the pickiest eater I know but they aren't picky at all.
The first few nights we just had the one and he had a little trouble going to bed but thats understandable. I ended up rocking him to sleep in the chair and then carrying him to his bed. The little one just cries for a few minutes when we put him to bed then he's pretty much out. There have been two nights that he has woken up but he seems to just be having a bad dream and goes back to sleep pretty quickly.
I seem to now have 4 extra feet following me everywhere which is a test of patience but I keep reminding myself how badly I wanted to have those little feet following me around. They helped me bake cookies the other day which was fun. We ended up with flour and sugar all over the floor but turns out the one boy loves vacuuming so he took care of it for me! It's so sweet to see how excited they get over baking cookies or helping you do something. They want to empty the washer/dryer, load/unload the dishwasher, carry in groceries. Aaron said we should enjoy this because eventually they might not be so willing to help.
We have just been so thankful for this opportunity and this chance to love on these little guys! They make us smile and laugh and even though it has been tiring and lots of changes and less time for ourselves we've been enjoying having them here! They bring tears to my eyes when I see their faces light up when we tell them we're proud of them for behaving or going on the big boy potty or learning their colors and abc's. After telling the little one we're proud of him he will point to himself with a big smile on his face and say, "Proud of me?"
So many nights I prayed/cried for a child or children and wondered if it was in God's plan for us. Back a year ago or maybe even a year and a half ago a friend from high school asked me about foster care and if we would be interested in that. At that time I thought oh no way could Aaron and I do that. We talked about it a little bit but decided that we didn't feel ready for something like that. Over time God opened our hearts to it and we felt more led in that direction. We thought that maybe we could go ahead and take the classes to just be prepared if we decided to switch agencies and pursue foster care. The classes helped us realize how blessed we were by the families we had and that lots of kids out there don't have that. We wanted to help and make a difference even if it was just temporary.
Our church family has been amazing with support and encouragement! We have had people bringing meals this past week and also this upcoming week! It has been super encouraging for them to meet the boys and also bring a super tasty dinner. I've received lots of emails/texts/messages with words of support and prayers that have given me strength when I've been so tired from cleaning up messes and going potty and washing hands 75 times a day!!
I've thankful for this path that God led us down and I want to remember to cherish every moment with these boys because we don't know how long they will be with us! We will love on them for as long as we can!
This week potty training is going to be my job. Prayers please!!!
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