Rejoice with those who rejoice

First of all, is this winter ever going to end?? I'm getting a little worn out with all the cold and snow all the time. Come late July though I'll be wishing it was cold like this. Anyways, I can't believe February is almost over. It seems unreal that we have been moved back for almost 8 months.

Well just a couple updates as well. Aaron did have his meeting at work regarding June rotations. There are 11 openings for 19 people that need those openings. Therefore, the people that do not end up getting put in those spots will be "frozen" in their position. That basically means that they will just be stuck in the same rotation for another 6 months. Turns out there are 4 rotations open around this area. The other ones are in San Diego, Georgia and one in Aurora IL. I think Aaron is going to try to get one of the rotations around here and then if not he will voluntarily "freeze" himself. This really isn't what he wants but we feel it is a better decision than moving halfway across the country. So, anways, we'll see what the Lord has planned for us.

Another update is that I got a job!! I was hoping to find something part-time and had just started looking around early this week. I was mainly looking in the retail area such as grocery stores or places similar to that. I applied to a couple of the grocery stores around here but they were not hiring. Then, I stopped by GFS, a grocery store in Peoria and was picking up some soup and saw that they were accepting applications. I figured I would fill one out. Well, I dropped it off on Wednesday and the manager told me to come back in on Thursday for an interview. After that interview I was asked to come back for a second interview on Saturday. Well after the interview he offered me a job and I took it!!! I start on Tuesday. I spoke with him about not coming in until after church on Sunday afternoons and trying to get the first and third Fridays of the month off for Bible Study. He seemed to think that would not be a problem. So, I thought that was very encouraging and thankful that God had provided me with a job so quickly. I enjoy being at home all the time and am sure I will miss it at times but felt I should go back to work. The main reason I was staying home since we moved back was because we were hoping to get pregnant. We never thought it would take this long. Since, that is obviously not happening I figured why not go back to work? That is I guess where we are at now. One problem with going back to work is Kya is going to be very upset with me. She already has this problem of pooping in her crate when we leave her so we'll see if me being gone more often will help her get over this?

As far as trying to get pregnant I think we have put that on the back burner for now. We kind of go back and forth wondering if we should still try but not force anything, kind of in the trying to whatever mode. In that case we would not really try to avoid getting pregnant but not really try to get pregnant. The TTW(trying to whatever) phase and TTA(trying to avoid) phase however really aren't that different for us since we can't seem to get pregnant anyway. We probably won't have to try really hard to not get pregnant.

Romans 12:15 says "Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep." I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I know this verse to be true and understand it but to be quite honest I am having a hard time living out this truth right now. Especially the rejoice with those who rejoice. It goes back to the feeling of being surrounded with everything baby; seeing babies, hearing of people that have had babies recently, pregnant women (whether it be seeing pregnant women or hearing that so and so is pregnant) and the good ole facebook announcements of "We're pregnant" or however they decide to word it. Its hard for us infertile people to deal with that and feel like if we see one more ultrasound picture we are going to lose it. It gets to the point to where when you hear of someone else getting pregnant or that someone else just had a baby it hurts. No matter how close you are to that person or if you don't hardly even know them. Its like heartbreak all over again. Just when you start to feel better about it, BAM another announcement. I realize this probably is not the right attitude to have. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for those people and excited for them but deep down it also hurts and takes time to just become numb to that feeling. I am trying to work on this and praying that I would have a better attitude about it and that God is trying to teach me a lot of different things during this. A few of those things are patience, accepting His will and His timing, being thankful for EVERY thing and EVERY way He has provided for us. There are times when Aaron and I look back on things and just think WOW the Lord worked that out for us or He really provided for us with this or with that. And, it's things that at that moment in time we fail to give Him credit for that, thinking that it just fell into place when really God worked it out for us. I'm trying to focus more on all the things that He provides for us daily and just all the ways that He is our comfort and our hope during this trial. Tonight I'm thanking Him for Aaron, a warm house, food on the table, amazing friends and family, wonderful body of believers at Free Grace, a job for both Aaron and I, Kya and pretty much everything else!

I apoligize if this is too honest or too blunt but like I said earlier this is a way for me to get my thoughts/feelings out there. Kind of like a journal but not on paper.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:6