So....when are you going to have kids?

The question that every newlywed couple gets pretty much the first week after you've been married. A question that I myself have even asked to others before. I was thinking about this today for some reason. But, 3 years ago when people asked me that I just said, "Not anytime soon" or "Maybe in a few years" or "We're not quite ready for that yet." Three years ago that question didn't bother me, I didn't even think twice about it just answered and then forgot about it. However, I think it is a question I won't be asking anyone else anymore. Now when someone asks that it hurts and cuts pretty deep. The people that ask it are ones I'm not willing to share this struggle with so it makes for a very awkward moment. I'm not quite for sure what to say. At times I wish I could go back to three years ago and not have it even bother me. Go back to when seeing others with their children or hear about others having babies and how it didn't hurt. Seeing frustrated moms out at the store and wishing that I could have that kind of frustration. Wishing that I could have messes to clean up after and laundry that piles up beyond belief. When I tell others this they think I'm crazy and say, "Oh just wait until you have children and you'll wish you never said that." That hurts too because I may NEVER have children or have those little hands and little mouths to clean up after.

Another issue---Facebook. I dread getting on and seeing yet another pregnancy announcement, ultrasound pictures, and pictures of a growing belly. I've thought about deleting my account but then I'll lose touch with all the other people I try to keep in touch with. I wonder how does everyone else's life keep going when this struggle makes the time stand still. That is where Facebook brings me back to reality. I HAVE to accept that God has a different plan for us.

At times I wish that I could go back to the days when this stuff didn't bother me but at other times I don't. There is a reason for all of this. God doesn't make mistakes. Every time I get upset about this and find myself struggling to understand His will I need to bring this before the Lord and thank Him for this trial because I do feel like I am learning a lot (rather slowly however) and growing closer to Him.

So, next time you go to ask that question to someone else maybe think twice about it because you never know what they could be going through.